Tuesday, March 18, 2014

One On One with Ariah

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On Sunday I got to have some one on one time with my littlest. He is growing so fast. We had fun just the two of us. We'd swing on the porch swing and I would just listen to his cute voice talking to me in choppy sentences.

We decided to go on a walk (or rather I did and I knew he wouldn't object.) I told my mom as we were leaving that we were going around the block. We had some good conversations he and I.

We got halfway down the first side of the block and we had this little conversation:

Ari- "Mom, uh, we walk two blocks?"
Me- "You want to go around two blocks?"
Ari- *pauses to think* "No." Then counts on his cute chubby fingers. "Uh, go on one, two, three, four blocks!" As he said four he put up all 5 fingers. Awww

Then we crossed the street to the second block and we started talking about colors.

I showed him some rocks, one red and one yellowish in color and told him the colors.

We then had this conversation.

Me- "Hey Ari, what color is the grass? Is it green?"
Ari- "No, mom, rellow!"
I couldn't argue with that one as it was yellow from the winter.
Me- "Well, yes it is kind of yellow, but in spring it will turn green."

We were talking about car colors when I mentioned that a car we were passing looked like his dad's car. He kept wanting to run back to it. I kept telling him it wasn't his dad's car. Lol

Me- "Ari, what color is the sky?"
Ari- "No, mom, too big!"
I am not entirely sure what he meant by that haha.

As we were ending the second block, my boy was getting tired.
He told me "two blocks, mom."
I chuckled at his cuteness!

He then plopped on the ground and said "sit, mom, sit down" and pointed to the sidewalk next to him. He wanted me to sit with him but I pointed to grandma and grandpa's home. I said "but grandma and grandpa's house is right there. He hopped up and ran the rest of the way back. He was so cute. My booger man!


Friday, March 14, 2014

My Children, My Sweet, Poor Children

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Yesterday evening I took my children into their counseling sessions to see how they are dealing with the divorce. We opted to have them seen to see how they are dealing with the current situation because we feel they are just going to tell me what I want to hear and their dad wants to hear.

We will have a feedback session on the 27th to see how it all went.

Well, when we were walking back to the car I was holding Ora's hand and Judah was holding Ora's other hand. Judah was lifting Ora up by the arm to where she was walking tiptoe on one foot. Ora's was just giggling like crazy. She thought it was hilarious.

Instantly a thought popped into my head. I was thinking about how their dad and I used to walk with Judah or Ora between us and swing them every other step. Their beautiful giggles and begging "AGAIN! AGAIN!" were so sweet and my babies were so happy.

I began to think how they won't get to do that with mom and dad ever again. My poor sweet Ariah never got the chance and never will. It hit me so hard. I just cried and cried.

I told their dad how I felt. He asked me "so are you upset for the kids or are you upset that we aren't a couple anymore"

To be honest the question hit me off guard and the more I think about it the more I get kind of squeeze. Of course I am not upset about not being with him anymore. I don't want him back in any way shape or form. I simply got upset about things the kids will miss out on as without mom and dad being together.

My children are the lights of my life and all I've ever wanted was the best for them. It's all I still want for them.

I know that my ex and I being divorced is the best for them. We didn't get along. We fought constantly. My Kids deserve better than that. They will have better than that.

I love my babies so much. I just cuddled them and told them all how much I love them.

In the end it will all be ok. My babies will be ok. My Kids will be happy.

Judah, Ora and Ariah, mommy loves you more than anything in the world! I am going to do all that I have in my power to give you a happy childhood. *Hogs and Quiches!*

Monday, March 10, 2014


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So very very confused.
I'm a dumb girl.