The Question Is....

The question is: Is it better to be alone and live in loneliness, depressed and miserable because you miss having that connection with someone special. Missing laying in their arms. The hugs. The kisses. The laughter. The ability to rely on one another during hard times. And the list goes on and on. OR Is it better to be with someone and be depressed and miserable because you are totally convinced that they are cheating on you. That they will up and leave you high and dry when they find someone better. Miserable with stomach...

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Life and it's strange ways....

I have been thinking a lot lately about life. About me. About others. About everything. Me.... Ahhhhh. Damn it. I changed my mind on posting this. I think it will be a personal journal entry. :/ I am so going to turn this post around 100%. No need to focus on negative stuff. So lately I have been couponing. I have been saving so much money. Ok.. My mind is MUCH too scatterbrained tonight. I don't think this posting thing is going to...

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A post

So, now that I finally have a chance to sit at a computer and type out a post, I shall. I have been so busy lately, between three kids, school and full-time work, I don't get a lot of time to sit and write. Judah started second grade. He loves his teacher and is having so much fun. He still hates homework, but I tell him it's a part of life. We all have things we have to do that we don't necessarily want to do. We have to do them anyway. He is a smart kid. I know I say that all the time, but he really is. It amazes me to...

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A Song I Take to Heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaXr2vGDQwk&feature=youtube_gdata_play...

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On lunch

I have gotten almost nothing done in my department tonight. Why? Every time I turn around I have customers asking me for stuff. Its been a rough night. I am just now on lunch at 8:40 and I get off at 10. And I still have to do my last 15min break. Well at least I will have a quiet night hiding away from customers. I can feel myself slowly reverting back into antisocial mode. I hate it but my thoughts of people not liking me are coming back. I want to have a little get together at my apartment but have convinced myself no...

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In my daughters eyes

Happy Birthday my gorgeous girl! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxPnAOMpbqA&feature=youtube_gdata_play...

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Ora Koryn

Tomorrow my beautiful little lady will be <b>5 YEARS OLD!</b> How is this even possible? Ora Koryn, My beautiful, sweet, loving, dramatic little 5 going on 16 year old girl, I love you to death. You are so smart. So nurturing. I love how you love to cuddle, even though you plop down on me an make it hurt. I guess love hurts sometimes ;). So have such beautiful blue eyes and you are going to be quite the heartbreak to all...

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11:30pm

So much has been happening. Good stuff! School is going wonderfully!  I still love it (became a "lamplighter") 4.0 GPA. I am living on my own now in a little studio apartment and its nice to have a place called "home" instead of crashing on peoples couches. I am continuing to lose weight.  I'm getting to know so many wonderful people through school and work. Again, the only downfall is bring away from my kiddos! Yet, I do see them every time I get the chance. I love hugging them and kissing their...

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Been a While

Oh my life has been so crazy, busy and fun. So school is going well and I am loving it. I am learning a ton and have made some good friends. I also got a full-time job! Nothing spectacular but hey its a job. I like the people I work with, we laugh and joke around and even though its stressful at times, the moments we can chat are worth it. My children are beautiful and wonderful and so fun! I love spending time with my gorgeous babies! Judah will be starting 2nd grade this month and Ora will be starting kindergarten! ...

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Excerpt from my journal

There is no simple way to explain how I feel. The way I have been used and abused.  My heart, so fragile, is not just broken but destroyed. For a comparison, when you get into an auto accident, there are fender benders, which are mild, and have easily fixed damages.  Then there are major accidents in which your car is totaled, extensive damage that cannot be repaired.  If my heart were a car in one of these situations...

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Haikus

I have written some haikus lately. Here there are: Judah David blonde hair, ice blue eyes my bitty early surprise two months too soon, son Ora Koryn seven pounds one ounce darling dormant daughter, love little head, bow worn Ariah Patrick Lee my giant newborn one month early, ten thirteen jowls I can't resist Little Boy little boy, my joy sleeping soundly, so peaceful tiny lids flickeri...

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Little Man Judah David

Sunday the 26th my gorgeous first born son turned 7 YEARS OLD!!!!! Judah, You are so incredibly special and precious to me. You are growing up to be such a loving little man! It's bittersweet and like the book I just bought for you and your sister and brother, I would keep you little but if I did I would miss out on so many things that you will experience and do as you grow older. I love your gorgeous blue/green/grey/silver color changing...

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Doubts, Anger, Beliefs

I really don't even know how to begin this post. I was talking to my mom on the way home today. I told her that I don't even know if God exists and if He does why does it seem like He is unloving. I have anxiety and depression issues which, for the most part are stabilized. Rewind. I just want to get this all out there. I don't have any idea why I try to hide it all the time. So I saw a trauma specialist back in Dec/Jan and he helped me figure some stuff out/helped me with connecting dots from my past that I never considered...

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Refocusing

I have decided to do all that I can to focus on all the positive things in my life. Sure I have a lot of problems, but who doesn't? Everyone deals with problems, everyone struggles. Everyone has some aspect of their life that is completely screwed up, but there are so many people who deal with it so well. I want to be one of those people! I am going to focus on my children, building my relationship with them more and more. I am going to focus on my schooling. I want to become a lamplighter at my school. It requires good...

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #12

#12. Describe A Typical Day In Your Current Life A typical day in my current life is hard to put on paper because so much is up in the air. Waking up at about 6 am, getting ready, going to school from 8-12 then homework or hanging out with friends until evening and spending time with my kids whenever I can on the weekdays. On the weekends I get to have my beautiful children to hang out with. I do the basics as well..... eat, sleep, brush teeth, brush hair, drink, etc etc. I am so incredibly tired right now. I have a lot of...

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #11

#11- List 10 Pet Peeves You Have. 1. Not having any privacy. Parent's knocking on the door every time I shut it to be alone for a while. 2. People who are rude and do not have common manners. ALWAYS say "Please" "Thank You" and "You're Welcome". 3. Men who don't hold doors open for women or elderly people. 4. Boogers in kids noses. Parent's get those boogers OUT! I never let my kids walk around with boogers in their nose. 5. People who try to control EVERYTHING!!! 6. Losing things. I HATE when I can't remember where I put...

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Mother/Daughter Tea and Mother's Day

On Saturday, May 11, 2013 I went to a mother/daughter tea in Thornton.  It was good, it would have been better had I not had a huge argument with the kids dad.  So my mom, myself and my daughter went up to the Golden Corral for the tea party and met up  with my sister and two of my nieces.  The "theme" was being women of hope.  To be completely honest, my head was else where. I had so much going on...

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Cast of Characters

The purpose of this blog entry is to help put faces to names of those I will be talking about in my blog.  Please be patient with me as this will be evolving as I go along.   This is me, the author of this blog. I am Carolina (a.k.a. Cari).   My son Judah David. Born May 26, 2006. He was two months premature weighing 4 lbs 9 oz. He had a heart arrhythmia and a brain bleed, but he is healthy as a...

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Happy Happy Happy Birthday Ariah Patrick Lee

Two years ago, today.. I gave birth to my third born, Mr. Ariah Patrick Lee. He was my huge child, at a month early he weighed a whopping 10lbs 13oz. If you are curious and would like to read the birth story of my beautiful boy follow the link to my old blog: http://judahsmommy.blogspot.com/2011/05/on-tuesday-10-of-may-i-woke-up-at.html I cannot believe he is an entire TWO years old. They grow WAY too fast!!! Heavily...

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Happy Joyfulness

So many things are looking up in life. My kids are amazing. School is going great. I have met some amazing new friends. I am just giddy giddy! I can't wait to expand on everything, but I know several people who read my blog that would be preachy. More to come SOON...

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #10

#10: Describe Your Most Embarrassing Moment.  The day I gave birth to Miss Ora Koryn was one embarrassing day. It was actually quite funny, and I think it was possibly more embarrassing for my sister than myself.  So when I was pushing Ora out, she came out FAST. As soon as her body came out a large amount of amniotic fluid squirted out across the room. It's funny, because later, after all the excitement of a new baby...

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NEW LAYOUT/TEMPLATE

Still under construction. Bear with me.   I will soon be posting a real post here. I want to pick up on the series of 30 things my kids should know about me....

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #9.

LIST 5 PEOPLE WHO INSPIRED YOU AND HOW. (cut it down to 5) Miss Toni-Kaye has inspired me more than words can say. She is such a strong woman. She is going through some hard times yet whenever I see her she is confident and loving. She is giving and caring. She has accomplished SO much that it has really made me want to strive to better myself. She has gone to cosmetology school, working full-time, being a wonderful mom, shes back in school, cooks meals, gives her spare time (what she has of it) freely to all of her friends...

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #8.

8. What are 5 passions you have? Obviously my children are one of my passions. I am so passionate about helping them to lead good lives. I can't even put into words how much I dwell on it. I am working to better myself so that they can have all the things I never had. I want to be able to get them their first car. I want to provide them with the opportunity to go to college. I want to help them help themselves.  Another passion of mine is music. I love so many different types of music. Country, pop, alternative, heavy...

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Weekend Shenanigans! (WITH PICTURES FINALLY!)

Weekend Shenanigans!  I hadn't seen my beautiful babies for a whole week while their dad was in D.C.  When he came back from D.C. I asked him to bring my babies to me immediately so I could see them. When my babies walked in the front door I couldn't contain the happiness. I just hugged and kissed and smoooshed their cheekies. It seems so odd that after a week they seemed to have grown so much! Goodness gracious.  Anyway,...

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