A post

So, now that I finally have a chance to sit at a computer and type out a post, I shall.

I have been so busy lately, between three kids, school and full-time work, I don't get a lot of time to sit and write.

Judah started second grade.
He loves his teacher and is having so much fun. He still hates homework, but I tell him it's a part of life. We all have things we have to do that we don't necessarily want to do. We have to do them anyway. He is a smart kid. I know I say that all the time, but he really is. It amazes me to hear him talk about things and hold conversations with him. I think he teaches me just as much, if not more, that I teach him.

Ora started kindergarten.
She too is super smart and I love her dearly. This kindergartner uses words like "particularly". I mean really? Child. You are only 5! Stop trying to be so big. :) She too loves school and was SO happy when she saw it was me picking her up from school. That grin is precious and I love her to death. My little cuddle bug.

Ari started.... talking.... a LOT!
Ari is such a typical boy. He is a daredevil. He is also naughty. My rotten boy. But he is cute and I can see him changing so much. He is also still a BIG boy. The other day I went to pick up my nephew, who is 5 months younger (who for a while there was about to pass Ari up) and I braced myself to pick up a child Ari's size. Not so much. I felt like I was about to throw poor Ben with the force I but behind picking him up.
Ari is built like a little linebacker. Big boned and husky. LOVE!


Some conversations I have had with the kids.

Judah: Mom, I did some of my homework. Will you do the rest?
Me: No, son. That is your homework and your responsibility.
Judah: But I did most of it. I just want you to finish it for me. PLEASE?
Me: Judah, you need to do it. You are smarter than me. I don't know how to do that.
Judah: No, you're smarter.
Me: Nope. You are the smartest.
Judah: Mom, I'm only smarter at video games. You are smarter with homework.

HAHA, my dork. Thinking he can actually talk me into doing his homework.



Me: Judah, how was your first day of school?
Judah: Good. I like my teacher. She's very nice.
Me: That's wonderful!!! So.... Do you have a girlfriend?
Judah: *grumbles while smiling*
Me: Who is it?
Judah: .........
Me: Is it H_____? Is it V______?
Judah: *glares at me*
Ora: His girlfriend is V_______!!!!!! He's just too embarrassed to say it.
Me: Is that so? Who's your boyfriend Ora?
Ora: *grumble while smiling*
Judah: What does his name start with?
Ora: "J"
Me: Ohhhhh. Is it J1_____?
Ora: Not particularly. Kind of.
Judah: It's J2____!!!!!!
Me: Awwwww. J2____???? How cute!

I love teasing my kids. They think it's hilarious!

Ari always wants to see himself when being recorded or having pictures taken.
If he can't see himself he says "I WANT ARI!!!" "SEE ARI!!!"
HAHA. My silly boy.

And he catches me off guard with all his new words.
Today I made him a nutella sandwich and he goes "SAMMICH!!!"
And when he says "You k, mommy?"
And tonight when I put him down for bed he says "uh hug! uh kiss!" so I gave him a hug and kiss. Then when I was leaving the room he says "Uv you. Goodbye. Nigh-Nigh"


I just can't believe how big they are getting.
How smart and how gorgeous.
How loving and caring.

I found a baby picture of Judah and I literally like bawled all night thinking about how they all are supposed to be babies still.
But life doesn't work that way. I know 5 years down the road I will find pictures of them now and just bawl thinking. My boy is supposed to be 7. Or my girl is supposed to be 5. My baby is supposed to be 2.

It never ends. My amazing children.
I love them more than anything in this world!!!

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Refocusing

I have decided to do all that I can to focus on all the positive things in my life. Sure I have a lot of problems, but who doesn't?
Everyone deals with problems, everyone struggles.
Everyone has some aspect of their life that is completely screwed up, but there are so many people who deal with it so well.
I want to be one of those people!
I am going to focus on my children, building my relationship with them more and more.
I am going to focus on my schooling. I want to become a lamplighter at my school. It requires good grades, being prompt and not missing school. It looks excellent on your resume as well.
I am going to work to save, save, save money so I can purchase my own car.
I have so much to be thankful for. Thankful for my children, school, (possible job) and so on.
I have integrity.
I am honest.
I am pretty and I am losing weight.
I am smart.
I am a wonderful and loyal friend.
I am a hard worker.
And so much more!
When the time comes and the right man shows up, I will be a loving, faithful, and honest girlfriend.
I just need to find a man who will fight tooth and nail to be with me when I go through my issues.
I don't want to hear words.
I want to see actions.
Actions speak louder than words!

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #12

#12. Describe A Typical Day In Your Current Life

A typical day in my current life is hard to put on paper because so much is up in the air.
Waking up at about 6 am, getting ready, going to school from 8-12 then homework or hanging out with friends until evening and spending time with my kids whenever I can on the weekdays.
On the weekends I get to have my beautiful children to hang out with.

I do the basics as well..... eat, sleep, brush teeth, brush hair, drink, etc etc.

I am so incredibly tired right now.
I have a lot of hardships I am going through right now.

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #11

#11- List 10 Pet Peeves You Have.

1. Not having any privacy. Parent's knocking on the door every time I shut it to be alone for a while.
2. People who are rude and do not have common manners. ALWAYS say "Please" "Thank You" and "You're Welcome".
3. Men who don't hold doors open for women or elderly people.
4. Boogers in kids noses. Parent's get those boogers OUT! I never let my kids walk around with boogers in their nose.
5. People who try to control EVERYTHING!!!
6. Losing things. I HATE when I can't remember where I put something. I get mean!
7. When my face feels greasy or feels dry. Weird.
8. Getting pebbles, sand or other particles in my shoes.
9. When my brain doesn't cooperate and give me the words to say until long after a conversation is over.
10. When people claim to love, care and trust me but their actions scream the opposite. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

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Mother/Daughter Tea and Mother's Day

On Saturday, May 11, 2013 I went to a mother/daughter tea in Thornton. 

It was good, it would have been better had I not had a huge argument with the kids dad. 

So my mom, myself and my daughter went up to the Golden Corral for the tea party and met up  with my sister and two of my nieces. 

The "theme" was being women of hope. 

To be completely honest, my head was else where. I had so much going on in my mind I don't remember half of the stuff that went on. I had one cup of tea, but by the time I got to it, it was already cold :/

These three little people are what gave me a reason to celebrate Mother's Day. I love them more than I could ever say! My Judah David, Ora Koryn and Ariah Patrick Lee, I love you so very much!

For mother's day I got some super sweet gifts from my Judah and Ora. They made them at school.

 My J-bug gave this to me and apologized that he wrote nice twice. I gave him a BIG hug and told him it was ok and that I LOVE the gift. 

 This is the front of the card Ora made for me. SO sweet. 

 This is what the inside of the card said. I also LOVE the way she writes her name. She's getting so good at it!

My GORGEOUS little girl!

All in all I had a really good time with my babies. I love them SO much. They are the best kids in the whole world. 

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #9.

LIST 5 PEOPLE WHO INSPIRED YOU AND HOW. (cut it down to 5)

Miss Toni-Kaye has inspired me more than words can say. She is such a strong woman. She is going through some hard times yet whenever I see her she is confident and loving. She is giving and caring. She has accomplished SO much that it has really made me want to strive to better myself. She has gone to cosmetology school, working full-time, being a wonderful mom, shes back in school, cooks meals, gives her spare time (what she has of it) freely to all of her friends who are also going through hard times. I am truly blessed to have her as my friend.

Samantha V. is so strong. I know she is having such a hard time since losing her 2 year old little boy in a tragic accident. She has not been afraid to show her feelings. She is an amazing mother and I inspire to be like her. She is loving, caring, self-less, strong, sweet, beautiful. I just wish I could take the pain away from her.

Heather Lorraine- she has been through so much crap but she has pulled through and seems to strong and is working on bettering her life for her and her daughter. So much stronger than I. She was the one who told me I should go to bartending school. I went and thoroughly enjoyed myself. She now has a new job and is working hard to get on her feet. She is an inspiration, like Toni-Kaye, for bettering myself and working on getting on my feet.

Kymberly Kay is going through a lot of what I have been going through. She is an amazing mom and friend. She can be having a hard time, yet she is ALWAYS there to listen when I need to talk. She has a big open heart that lends itself to others for love and comfort!

Sarah Joy is an amazing mom. She is an amazing full-time mom and her son is so wonderful and well behaved. She is obviously doing something right. I love how she stands firm to her beliefs. She is pro-life and she knows what it is like to give a child up for adoption, so she knows how hard it can be to carry a child to term and have to give them up. She is strong and it was a very brave and hard decision to make.

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #8.

8. What are 5 passions you have?

Obviously my children are one of my passions. I am so passionate about helping them to lead good lives. I can't even put into words how much I dwell on it. I am working to better myself so that they can have all the things I never had. I want to be able to get them their first car. I want to provide them with the opportunity to go to college. I want to help them help themselves. 

Another passion of mine is music. I love so many different types of music. Country, pop, alternative, heavy metal, rock, hip-hop, rap and so much more. It all just depends. If I can relate to the lyrics I am drawn in. If it has a good tune or beat I will listen to it regardless of the lyrics. I just love music and listen to it all the time. If I don't have youtube playing in the background or on the radio I will have headphones and listen to the music on my phone. (If you have any song suggestions send them my way! I love discovering new music!)

My voice... No, not the sound of my own voice, but the opinions and stories I have to share. I love talking and sharing my experiences! This is a blessing and a curse because I have what I call "word vomit". It just pours out without me even realizing it, without being able to detect if a person is truly interested or if I am driving them crazy. I am a talker. You get me on a subject that I am interested in I could, and if permitted, will talk until your poor ears fall to the floor. 

I am passionate about bettering myself. Since separating from the kids dad I have been searching for a job. That was back in November. Applying to many jobs a day. Submitting resume after resume without any solid leads on getting a job. Well, last month I decided to go to bartending school. I attended Bartending and Casino College of Denver. I start school again on Friday! I am going back to become a dental assistant. I am beyond excited to learn more and actually make something of myself. To start a career, get on my feet and be able to support myself and my children. 

Photographs and videos... I used to want to be a photographer, but decided instead to just take pictures as a hobby. To take them to preserve memories so that I can always look back and see how my children have changed and grown. Blogging is obviously different but I love that it too can keep memories. I can type, take videos, take photos and so on so that I can look back see the changes and remember my beautiful childrens silly comments. These help me because honestly, I don't ever want to throw any of my kids drawings or letters away, but if I kept them all I would be in a world of hurt! lol. So I take pictures of the drawings/art work before throwing them away, that way I have them stored electronically and I don't feel as bad throwing stuff away :)

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Weekend Shenanigans! (WITH PICTURES FINALLY!)

Weekend Shenanigans! 

I hadn't seen my beautiful babies for a whole week while their dad was in D.C. 

When he came back from D.C. I asked him to bring my babies to me immediately so I could see them. When my babies walked in the front door I couldn't contain the happiness. I just hugged and kissed and smoooshed their cheekies. It seems so odd that after a week they seemed to have grown so much! Goodness gracious. 

Anyway, we had some La Fogata mexican food since I was craving it like no other. 

Then the kidlets got to stay the night with me. Judah helped me with some chores and stuff while Ari got in the way and Ora went off to play in the backyard. 

I love watching my babies sleep and I love when they cuddle up next to me to sleep. 

My sweeties are just perfect. 

Sunday morning we woke up early and went to play out front. Well Ari decided he wanted to go on a walk so we just followed him. The kid has SO much energy that I had to keep stopping him so that Judah and Ora could catch up. Ari was NOT pleased whenever I would hold his hand and tell him to wait. The boy has a temper and would scream and cry and sit down until I said he could go again. LOL

Judah and Ora had a blast collecting worms. Tons of worms. It had rained the night before so there were many of them in the gutters. Judah was on his cousins old scooter that has a basket on it and Judah was putting dirt in it with the worms. 

Ora would only grab the tiny worms, she is such a girl. She tried to grab a big one and it moved and she freaked out and pulled her hand away. She made me laugh.

Later, Jonathan called to say he was on the way to pick the kids up. I told him I wanted to keep them. He said that at least he wanted to bring them cinnamon rolls. I asked the kids if they wanted to go with daddy or stay with mommy. Judah wanted to stay with me and Ora wanted to go with daddy. Ari, well he can't choose and I had a couple things to do so I sent him with his dad. 

Judah has always been a mamas boy. He was the one who nursed the longest, co-slept and always wanted to cuddle with me. He loves his dad, but I think he has just had a different connection with me. 

Ora on the other hand is TOTALLY a daddies girl. She has her father wrapped around her little finger like no other. She loves me as well and loves to cuddle, but is definitely more attached to her dad. 

Ari is..... Ari. Neither mommy or daddies boy. He's very independent. HATES to be held or cuddled. High energy and never stops. He loves us, just isn't really attached to either one of us more than the other. 

 ^^So cool with a hat!^^

 ^^Love this candy!!!^^

 ^^Sleeping with his little booty in the air!^^

                                                    ^^Ora's cute little pudgy belly!^^

 ^^They sleep in the strangest positions!^^

 ^^Poor lady tipped the tiny bike and was sad :(^^

 ^^Lets keep going mom!^^

^^Look at our worms!!!^^

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #7

What is your dream job and why?


I can't WAIT to become a dental assistant. I start school on Friday and tomorrow is my school's orientation! I think being a dental assistant will be fun and I have also always had a thing for teeth. I like people with good teeth and would like to help with that. I also like that the school I will be attending actually teaches more than the typical dental assistant topics and go into orthodontics as well.

I am so excited about starting a new career!

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #6

#6... IF YOU COULD HAVE 3 WISHES, WHAT WOULD YOU WISH FOR?

My first wish would most definitely be for my children! That they would have some awesome and amazing lives filled with love, joy and tons of adventure. That they would never feel pain whether it be physical or emotional. More than anything else, I hope my kids grow to know the Lord as their Savior and do their best to serve Him. 

My second wish would be to find true love. Someone who will love me for me. Someone who will love me despite my flaws. Someone who will stand by my side. Someone who  will love and care for not only me but my children as well. 

My third wish would be to remove all of the bad things that have happened in my past that contribute to my mental health issues and to abolish all depression, anxiety and other skewed thoughts that I have. 

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30 Things That My Kids Should Know About Me. #5

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. My kids! They are everything to me. They make me smile. They make me laugh. They are beautiful, wonderful, silly, caring, obnoxious, frustrating, smooooshy, cuddly (even though they don't like to be cuddled I do it anyway) and SWEET.    I JUST LOVE THEMMMMMMM!!! (Getting a little excited over here. I haven't seen them all week and I get to have them over night tonight!!)

2. Family. I love my family. You all drive me batty, but I still love you!

3. Friends. My friends rock my socks! I love them all so much and how encouraging they are. I love that they are always there to listen to me bitch and complain even when they have their own troubles. I hope I am giving them adequate support and that I listen well. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

4. Music. I love listening to music and getting lost in the words. I love the way it engulfs my mind and takes me elsewhere. Lyrics that help me deal with my emotions and explain how I feel when I can't put my own feeling into words.

5. Photographs. I have been looking through so many old photos and it is really quite bittersweet. I just want to hold my tiny tot's again, but they are growing so fast it kinda breaks my heart. It breaks my heart but I am also happy that they are healthy and growing. Photographs make me happy because I will always have these amazing memories!

Christmas 2011. My Beautiful Kids! 

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #4

List 10 Things You Would Tell Your 16 Year-Old Self, If You Could.

1. Slow down and enjoy being a teenager without all the responsibilities of adulthood!

2. PAY ATTENTION IN SCHOOL! You have so much potential. Just don't slack off and don't listen to anyone who tells you that you can't do it. Don't listen to the people who say you are dumb.

3. Boy's are dumb. Focus on friends right now in life!

4. You are beautiful. Don't listen to people who say otherwise.

5. Be yourself! Stop trying to make people like you. If you have to change who you are for someone to like you they aren't worth your time or energy. Only people who like you for the real you are the people who matter. Life is so much easier when you are not constantly changing for whoever you are around.

6. Don't rush into things. Don't rush into "relationships" as your heart will get broken.

7. Don't give your parents such a hard time. They just want what is best for you. No, they aren't perfect but they love you and do the best they can.

8. Don't fret things you can not avoid or change. Roll with the punches and get back up on your feet.

9. Have fun!

10. Be real. Be honest. Be faithful. Be loving. Be caring. Be guarded. Trust God, not yourself!

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #3

Describe your relationship with their father.

This is a tough post to write. I would say all in all Jonathan and I are just not compatible.
I think we rushed into marriage and didn't truly get to know each other very well and the 3rd year into the marriage the incompatibility started rearing its ugly head.

He wanted something I was unable to provide. I wanted something he was unable to provide and for 5 years we fought to try and save the marriage, but after 5 years it became too much.

We decided that it would be better for us to separate/get divorced so that our children could see us as happy individuals than as an unhappy couple.

For 4 months after we separated we did not get along AT ALL. I couldn't stand to look at him or hear his voice. When I saw him all this anger would well up inside of me and I wouldn't know what to do.

He had done something that I found to be the most hurtful thing and I was bitter and angry. I cried and cried. I got sick to my stomach when I saw him.

It was until very recently I decided to forgive him. Not for his sake, but for mine. It was for my own sanity. My own health. My own peace.

We get along alright now. He still drives me batty. I still piss him off, but that is why we are no longer together.

We have our days where we get along and can have a decent conversation, but there are others where we just need to walk away. To be alone!

There will always be a part of me that will care about his well being as he IS the father of my children. He needs so be around for them so I hope he remains healthy and happy for them. I just don't have any sort of romantic feelings for him in any way shape or form.

I took Judah to a birthday party a while back and I saw how well his friends mom and dad got along. I talked to her on the side and told her about our impending divorce. I told her I would like to get along with Jonathan as well as she and her daughters father got along.
She explained that it wasn't always that way and that in the beginning of their separation they were constantly fighting and hated each other. She told me it took time and effort on both sides for them to become friends again.
She is now remarried and her husband is comfortable with them being friends.
I hope someday that Jonathan and I can be actual friends again and hope I can find someone who understands that he will always be my friend since he is the father of my beautiful children.

I always knew he would be a great father and he is.
We may not have worked out but he loves and cares for our kids and that is all that matters at this point.



Please forgive me if this all is a little jumbled. My head is jumbled. :/

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #2

List 3 Legitimate Fears You Have And How They Became Fears.

I want to start this post by saying,  I have a ton of fears. I would say most are ridiculous and silly.

I have a hard time trying to decipher which are legitimate and which aren't.

I would say my biggest fear is the thought that my children grow and choose to not believe in God. The fear of any of my children not being in Heaven with me and going to hell scares the crap out of me. I Pray they accept and love Him.

Another fear I have is losing one or more of my children to death. After my friend Samantha and her husband lost their precious 2 year old Bram, I have been petrified of parking lots!. It's scary because they did EVERYTHING right and Bram was listening to his parents when a careless, distracted drive hit Bram. Seeing Sam and TJ go through what they have I have gained this fear!

My last fear is that I will never find someone to love me. That I will not be able to find a man who is willing to work through my issues. Someone who can have patience with me as I learn what it's like to be in a relationship and learn to trust again. I am not sure why or how this fear arose, but it was just recently. It's very hard to think about. I know this one may seem ridiculous but to me It's legitimate because, who wants to be alone?


So those are three of my legitimate fears.

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30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me. #1

List 20 Random Facts About Yourself


1. I am a Christian and love God with all that is in me. Therefore, I am loving and accepting of all people despite their gender, race, sexual orientation, religion, beliefs, etc. God loves everyone. And we ALL have fallen short. We all sin. We all make mistakes. He forgives us and love us no matter what. We need love others as much as He loves us.

2. I tend to be a bit of a germ freak. I have a little bit of OCD in that regard, but it isn't as bad as it used to be.  I love how you tease me about it, Judah: "Mommy, you're afraid of geeeerrrrrms!!! hahaha".

3. I am quite ADD with my music. I rarely listen to a song all the way through. I am constantly switching songs half to three quarters of the way through. This must be where you guys get it from. You guys can't watch a T.V. show all the way through :)

4. I can be crafty or artsy when I really want to be. Most of the time I just prefer to do other things.

5. I am obsessed with documentaries and real life crime dramas. I like a lot of the suspense in these shows! I enjoy trying to figure out "who done it" before they say who did it!

6. I am a walking contradiction! Distracted yet focused, social yet shy, germ freak yet messy, and so many more.

7. I love dancing around like a complete fool and sing loudly but there is a catch... I only do it around you, my kids and other family/friends I trust!

8. I love taking pictures and videos so that I will always have something to look back on. Aside from losing a loved one, my pictures and videos are what I am most scared to lose.
   
9. I have always loved unique names. I knew I never wanted any of my kids to be in school and have 3 other people with the same name in your class.

10. I am addicted to diet soda. I know it's not the best thing in the world but its not the worst either.

11. I love the smell of play-doh and crayons. I love to color or play with play-doh just so I can smell them.

12. I love animals. I love petting them and cuddling with them, I am just too much of a germ freak to clean litter boxes or clean up after them.

13. I am completely awful at math.

14. I am a terrible cook. I always burn food, cook pasta too long or just make everything taste nasty. lol

15. I am a pack-rat. If something has the slightest bit of sentimental value I can't throw it away. All drawings or letters I receive from you kids is either saved or I have taken pictures of them before tossing them.

16. I have a very hard time talking on the phone. I have never liked talking on the phone. I prefer email, texting and talking face to face.

17. Whenever I get any money I get excited about things I can buy for myself but when I get to a store I find all these things I would rather get for you kids. I much prefer getting you guys stuff. :)

18. I had always had a fear of growing apart from you guys as you grow up. I was so very wrong! I get closer to you guys as you get older and I can see your individual personalities! I am excited to have teenagers. I will always be your mom first, but I want to be your friend as well.

19. I hope I have made it easy for you guys to talk to me. I want you to know that no matter what, I will always love you. I want you to be able to trust me and to not be afraid of how I will react. I know what it feels like to not be able to tell a parent something because I didn't know how he would react. Please know I will love you no matter what!

20.  I am very forgiving. I have forgiven things that some people may disagree with. I have had people tell me I should not forgive in certain circumstances. I want you guys to know that you need to forgive others as well, not for the other person but for yourself. I learned that holding on to anger and hurt is not beneficial to me. Holding on hurts you more and give the other person control. Forgive my dear children!

This post took a LOT longer than i thought it would so I should be making two posts today. That is if #2 doesn't take as long!

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Dreams and the Harlem Shake

Ora woke up around 3:30 am. I was on the computer as I couldn't sleep.

She walked in the room and was completely out of it.
She had to try to tell me her dream though.
The conversation was as follows:

Ora: "Mommy, I had a dream."
Me: "Yeah? What was it about?"
Ora:  "It was that Frankencelery brought *inaudible mumbling*"...

I grabbed my phone to try to record it but I didn't get much of anything from her. :/
She fell back asleep!

When Judah woke up at a decent hour he informed me of his dream as well.

Judah: "Mom, I had a weird dream. I was eating big sparkly chapter books"
Me: "Did they taste good?"
Judah: "Yes"
Me: "What did they taste like?"
Judah: "I don't know"
Me: "But you said they tasted good."
Judah: "Yes, they did but I don't know what they tasted like... I also dreamed I had an accident on grandma's couch"
Me: "Did Grandma beat you up?"
Judah: "No... She didn't know about it!" *laughs*

And Ari... He says "da! Ari! Ah da buvah"
Sorry I can not translate his dream for you, but it must have been a good one because I saw him smiling in his sleep.

My kids are the best!

Also, their father is corrupting them.
He has watched so many Harlem Shake videos that he inadvertently trained my children to act like fools.

A video for your enjoyment!

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