The Question Is....

The question is:

Is it better to be alone and live in loneliness, depressed and miserable because you miss having that connection with someone special. Missing laying in their arms. The hugs. The kisses. The laughter. The ability to rely on one another during hard times. And the list goes on and on.

OR

Is it better to be with someone and be depressed and miserable because you are totally convinced that they are cheating on you. That they will up and leave you high and dry when they find someone better. Miserable with stomach aches whenever they talk about someone else all the time. Not being able to trust (not due to anything they, themselves have done) but because of your own experiences in the past.


Since splitting with Jonathan I have tried relationships. I want to have a special someone in my life.
But after what has happened/been done to me, I find it so hard to trust anybody.

I have so many conflicting thoughts and emotions. So many things that keep me up at night. I am always tired because I don't sleep well.

I love love. I want love. I need love.

As someone told me once before, I am a walking contradiction.
I agree with this so much.
Listen to these two poems.
I relate to both of these poems, and they really have nothing in common, yet they both talk about things I struggle with daily.

Depression

Anxiety


My life.
I really don't know where to go with it.
I don't really don't know what I do next....

Read More...

Refocusing

I have decided to do all that I can to focus on all the positive things in my life. Sure I have a lot of problems, but who doesn't?
Everyone deals with problems, everyone struggles.
Everyone has some aspect of their life that is completely screwed up, but there are so many people who deal with it so well.
I want to be one of those people!
I am going to focus on my children, building my relationship with them more and more.
I am going to focus on my schooling. I want to become a lamplighter at my school. It requires good grades, being prompt and not missing school. It looks excellent on your resume as well.
I am going to work to save, save, save money so I can purchase my own car.
I have so much to be thankful for. Thankful for my children, school, (possible job) and so on.
I have integrity.
I am honest.
I am pretty and I am losing weight.
I am smart.
I am a wonderful and loyal friend.
I am a hard worker.
And so much more!
When the time comes and the right man shows up, I will be a loving, faithful, and honest girlfriend.
I just need to find a man who will fight tooth and nail to be with me when I go through my issues.
I don't want to hear words.
I want to see actions.
Actions speak louder than words!

Read More...